Rule 1 My rules apply on my stage

This is the fundamental rule for every Director and every Actor.

Every person is different, but some truths are universal. We all expect to be respected and to be seen and heard. Moreover, every person has specific desires in their interactions with others.

But beware, this rule has major consequences, and we only start to realize this when someone in our lives doesn’t abide by our basic rule. When we realize that this is the case with a certain person, it is time for the Director to think about how to proceed with this person. In short, the Actor needs direction.

This is where many people hesitate. We are all naturally a bit shy about potential friction or conflict, and therefore tend to accept a lot from others, even when others cross the line of what is acceptable to you.

The moment that accepting the other person’s behavior reaches a point where the Actor is truly in trouble, the Director MUST take action. This is not always an elegant and smooth process, and most people avoid this by avoiding the other person as much as possible. In doing so, the Actor is doing themselves a serious disservice.

Self-esteem and self-respect are built precisely at the moments when the Director stands up for their Actor. Friendly and warm where possible, short and cold where necessary, and always, always crystal clear. With clearly stated consequences in case the instruction is not followed. Remember, a Director never discusses their instructions. They are happy to explain them, but the content is not up for debate. Period.

A fellow actor who tramples on your laws and rejects your instructions cannot ultimately be on your stage. There is no compromise on this. In your play, YOU are the Main Character and no one else.

This can lead to major conflicts in some cases. Think, for example, of a relationship where one person chronically disrespects the other, belittles them, or worse, humiliates or abuses them. Dear Director, no matter how great the consequences of an unfollowed instruction, EVERYTHING is better than having someone on your stage who takes more from you than they give. Eventually, you will succumb to it. A Director always keeps a watchful eye on this balance, knowing that there are always 8 billion potential co-actors to fill the vacuum.

In the ultimate case, if there is truly no other way, all co-actors can be replaced.